My son is now 17 years old. Our lives have flown by from the time he was first diagnosed. It started with a misdiagnosis and changing doctors to find the adhd/odd diagnosis and many appointments, therapies, medicine and hard work put into my commitment to my child.
But along the way he grew up, learned from things, we found a medicine that worked and got him regular adjustments at a chiropractor. He grew like a weed, started to learn how to organize, prioritize his work and school and now juggles a job, school and is currently in the middle of being in his high school musical.
He has a lot of friends and that was confirmed at his IEP meeting in February with how well he is doing. They even removed some items from his IEP because he is self navigating his school work and keeping organized. He has plans for what college he wants to go to and is driven to do what he needs to do to achieve it.
It has been a true joint effort because even though as his mom I have put a lot of time, research, talking, and effort into pushing him to get to where he is I know he has put a lot of hard work into it himself. The goal is to have a caring, self-sufficient, happy adult who can be kind to others and provide for himself. He is doing so well and is considerate despite what some lately may thing. He has worked over 15 hour days for weeks and has juggled it all. At 17 I am very proud of the young man he is becoming.
So any other parent out there who has a young child (he was diagnosed at age 9) just know that if you put in the work alongside your child you will see big payoffs for them. It isn't easy, you are not the only one who have faced it and I don't now why its you and your child. Don't give up. You are allowed to cry and be frustrated and feel tired. You are allowed to want to scream and wish things were different. But they are not. You've got this. You can work with them and just know the journey to see them blossom is so worth it. You're a good mom/dad.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
This year has been Hell
My son is 14 years old now and almost done with 8th grade. It has been the year from hell for homework. This for a boy who can't keep organized and would rather lie and say he has no homework or already DID the homework but can't show me, than DO the homework.
So despite his IEP that is supposed to HELP him and I this year, it has been a challenge to search the teams homework page (only to discover most teachers don't update it), as well as 3-4 other individual teacher's homework pages. Lord forbid if I miss one. That is the one he ends up behind in and play catch up.
I don't want my son to think it's okay to treat him 'special' and let him hand things in late when other kids can not.
I WANT my child to learn how to be proactive about doing school work. But if I as his mother have no true way to completely and adequately see what is due (since I am not a fly on the wall and not psychic and simply KNOW what is to be done and that it is either in a book he needs to bring home or an online book he can log into) then how am I to know what is done or what he did not do. I need to teach him strategies to set up good habits to combat his desire to AVOID.....LIE .... AND BLAME OTHERS. But find I am only teaching him how to get caught up.
sigh.
To any other parent out there facing this battle, this road, this journey, this diagnosis..... *fist bump* to you just keeping up the good fight for your kids. It isn't easy. It isn't pretty. I'm sure they think I'm an evil crazy bitch at his school. And in some ways I'm sure I am. But a year of beating my head against the wall hurts. I only have 4 more years to get him in good habits.
And since my ex-husband has given me full custody his help (which was minimal anyway) is non-existent. My new husband thinks its all just EXCUSES my son gives and is a crutch not a REALLLLLLLLL thing.
My battle goes on on all fronts. I battle the school, I battle my husband and my ex. All I want is an easy road for my son and for me his tired......frustrated......(did I mention tired?) mother.
Friday, June 1, 2012
grades 1 - 4..... the years of discovery
When first grade began for my son I braced for impact. Terrified of the pain he and I would face trying to go day-to-day I crossed my fingers.
Within less than a month the teacher contacted me. Again he was disruptive and highly talkative. Chewing on things and would not stay in his seat. At one point he even got on his chair and imitated a chicken. I just wanted to cry.
But what this teacher saw was different than the kindergarten teacher. She stated she suspected my son was very bright. very very bright and requested we allow them to test him.
YES!! Finally!!!
As suspected my son's IQ was quite high and tested advanced in all areas. He was easily bored.
He was placed in a program our school district has called 'purpose'. He was pulled for 4 out of 5 strands. Through the 1st-4th grade years he was well behaved in purpose but still disruptive, talkative and socially awkward in regular class. Kids began to shun him, blame him for things he didn't do because he was 80% of the time talking or fidgeting.
In 2nd grade a girl in his class took him under her wing. She too was in Purpose and she had a brother who struggled with some issues. Her kindness provided friendship my son was lacking because all the other kids thought he was weird, picked on him, bullied him and shunned him.
During this time his father and I separated and divorced, adding to my son's stress and difficulties. I fought with my ex (who was the insurance holder as I was flat broke with struggling to find a job and having my ex who is an attorney kick me out of the marital home.) I fought for my son. I fought to get him tested after the school's principal decided to take it upon himself and state he felt my son had asperger's syndrome. Schools are not allowed to speculate any form of diagnosis I found out later, it can be legally bad for them. But I never persued it because it was verbal and lacking proof.
I finally convinced my ex to have him tested to shut the school up.
I asked around and spoke with people. In doing that I found a wonderful facility capable of testing for all spectrums of behavior issues as well as autism.
After a full day of observation and testing it was decided that my son had severe ADHD and was terribly intelligent.
Once we got that diagnosis we still were flying blind.
Along the way we found a psychologist who felt he had adhd and bi polar. She put him on lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer. For a year we worked with her. No adhd meds tried until the end and stimulants was a disaster.
Within less than a month the teacher contacted me. Again he was disruptive and highly talkative. Chewing on things and would not stay in his seat. At one point he even got on his chair and imitated a chicken. I just wanted to cry.
But what this teacher saw was different than the kindergarten teacher. She stated she suspected my son was very bright. very very bright and requested we allow them to test him.
YES!! Finally!!!
As suspected my son's IQ was quite high and tested advanced in all areas. He was easily bored.
He was placed in a program our school district has called 'purpose'. He was pulled for 4 out of 5 strands. Through the 1st-4th grade years he was well behaved in purpose but still disruptive, talkative and socially awkward in regular class. Kids began to shun him, blame him for things he didn't do because he was 80% of the time talking or fidgeting.
In 2nd grade a girl in his class took him under her wing. She too was in Purpose and she had a brother who struggled with some issues. Her kindness provided friendship my son was lacking because all the other kids thought he was weird, picked on him, bullied him and shunned him.
During this time his father and I separated and divorced, adding to my son's stress and difficulties. I fought with my ex (who was the insurance holder as I was flat broke with struggling to find a job and having my ex who is an attorney kick me out of the marital home.) I fought for my son. I fought to get him tested after the school's principal decided to take it upon himself and state he felt my son had asperger's syndrome. Schools are not allowed to speculate any form of diagnosis I found out later, it can be legally bad for them. But I never persued it because it was verbal and lacking proof.
I finally convinced my ex to have him tested to shut the school up.
I asked around and spoke with people. In doing that I found a wonderful facility capable of testing for all spectrums of behavior issues as well as autism.
After a full day of observation and testing it was decided that my son had severe ADHD and was terribly intelligent.
Once we got that diagnosis we still were flying blind.
Along the way we found a psychologist who felt he had adhd and bi polar. She put him on lamictal, which is a mood stabilizer. For a year we worked with her. No adhd meds tried until the end and stimulants was a disaster.
Kindergarten, the beginning
When my son was in preschool life seemed good. No bad news, no bad reports and he was happy. He went into kindergarten and the 3rd day of school the teacher called me. He wouldn't sit still, he chewed on his pencil. Within weeks I sat with her upon her request. She was a new teacher, maybe teaching 2 years after doing her student teaching etc.
She stated he had behavioral issues. I sighed knowing my son was very bright and asked 'is it possible that my son is advanced and bored?'
She replied, 'my gifted kids finish their work early and then go and play. Your son plays and then rushes through his work at the end.'
He gets his work done, okay. So I then asked 'is it possible he is gifted but different than those kids?'
Her reply was not agreeing the possibility that my son was advanced. I then sat up straighter and asked, 'so in your.....how many years have you been teaching?'
she squirmed 'um 2 years.'
'...okay, in your 2 years of teaching, how many kids have you had like my son?'
'A few,' she said.
'And how many of them were boys?' I asked. It is notorious that boys are less mature than girls at each age and are more fidgity.
All in all the meeting was unproductive and I got call after call over the excruciating year on every little thing. I have to tell you it was one of the most frustrating year.
Add to that the strain of a miss-matched marriage I was in was crumbling based on activities and behaviors my then husband and I both were at fault with. Our son's behaviors only wore more heavily on us.
She stated he had behavioral issues. I sighed knowing my son was very bright and asked 'is it possible that my son is advanced and bored?'
She replied, 'my gifted kids finish their work early and then go and play. Your son plays and then rushes through his work at the end.'
He gets his work done, okay. So I then asked 'is it possible he is gifted but different than those kids?'
Her reply was not agreeing the possibility that my son was advanced. I then sat up straighter and asked, 'so in your.....how many years have you been teaching?'
she squirmed 'um 2 years.'
'...okay, in your 2 years of teaching, how many kids have you had like my son?'
'A few,' she said.
'And how many of them were boys?' I asked. It is notorious that boys are less mature than girls at each age and are more fidgity.
All in all the meeting was unproductive and I got call after call over the excruciating year on every little thing. I have to tell you it was one of the most frustrating year.
Add to that the strain of a miss-matched marriage I was in was crumbling based on activities and behaviors my then husband and I both were at fault with. Our son's behaviors only wore more heavily on us.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
History of my son
My son was not planned, just a pleasant surprise arriving at a stressful time (but with my now ex-husband what wasn't a stressful time really?) My now ex and I were married for a little over 3 years, he was finishing up law school to which I was working and supporting us both during. On my income we had purchased a year earlier a nice sized townhouse.
We had big dreams, big plans. We had pretty big fights but I just figured that was normal. We were barely making ends meet with me the only one working and had to pay thousands of dollars for him to take the bar exam. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism which explained a ton of issues I had been having which included mood swings and such. Little did I know that by treating my thyroid condition I would increase my fertility. Shortly after my then husbands graduation party I was feeling drained and was wondering if something was going on. Since I was late I bought a pregnancy test. I remember that day vividly, I took the test and left the bathroom for downstairs and set the timer. Once it went off I went upstairs and looked at the test then the box, then the test ...then the box... Back and forth in disbelief. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks. Two lines. The box says 'pregnant'.
So I walked out stupified down the stairs to my then husband and said 'ummm I'm pregnant'. I believe my memory is that he was genuinely excited and we plotted how to tell my mom & dad.
We both were sure we were having a boy so when it was confirmed at an ultrasound with amazing certainty we selected his name. My then husband didn't want a junior so we decided to name him after my dad and the middle name would be my then husband. I was so excited for the first boy in the family and excited to honor my father who had 3 daughters by passing on his name.
When my son was born it was a crazy birth. Long story short 19 hours of labor with 2 hours of pushing only to have an emergency c-section because he was wedged in. I lost so much blood I needed a transfusion and they were worried I would not be able to have any more kids in the future (which is why my 9 year old is such a true blessing.)
He was a big boy. When I brought him home he slept well and ate even better. Leaving his side was hard when I went back to work part time. But he grew and thrived. I took joy in each of his progress. He was my everything. When he started to learn how to walk he wanted to run. Many bruises and bumps from falls and clipping the walls or tables. It was about that time I got pregnant with my daughter. My son was 10 months old and kept me moving.
Between the ages of 15 to 18 months old my son was showing signs of a decent temper. He was also showing signs of liking order and intelligence. I remember one visit to my parents house where he lined matchbox cars up front to end in a long line and someone knocked a few out of line. He threw a huge fit which concerned me. But he was a happy boy who never stopped moving until he passed out which kept mom busy.
When my daughter was born he would kiss her head and take her toys. He showed little to no signs of jealously because I had two arms and enough room on my lap for both of my babies. He always had the uncanny ability to make his baby sister laugh at just making a face. So where we are now in how they interact is perplexing to me.
We got him in preschool halfway through the 3 year old class which he loved. I felt he was doing great and thriving. Learning to read quickly and all things related to learning.
Through the years my then husband and I had more than our fair share of fights, disagreements, insults and tear down behavior. I kept pushing ahead because my children were my focus, my life. For them I would weather anything.
The next post will start with my son in kindergarten when everything began to fall apart.
We had big dreams, big plans. We had pretty big fights but I just figured that was normal. We were barely making ends meet with me the only one working and had to pay thousands of dollars for him to take the bar exam. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism which explained a ton of issues I had been having which included mood swings and such. Little did I know that by treating my thyroid condition I would increase my fertility. Shortly after my then husbands graduation party I was feeling drained and was wondering if something was going on. Since I was late I bought a pregnancy test. I remember that day vividly, I took the test and left the bathroom for downstairs and set the timer. Once it went off I went upstairs and looked at the test then the box, then the test ...then the box... Back and forth in disbelief. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks. Two lines. The box says 'pregnant'.
So I walked out stupified down the stairs to my then husband and said 'ummm I'm pregnant'. I believe my memory is that he was genuinely excited and we plotted how to tell my mom & dad.
We both were sure we were having a boy so when it was confirmed at an ultrasound with amazing certainty we selected his name. My then husband didn't want a junior so we decided to name him after my dad and the middle name would be my then husband. I was so excited for the first boy in the family and excited to honor my father who had 3 daughters by passing on his name.
When my son was born it was a crazy birth. Long story short 19 hours of labor with 2 hours of pushing only to have an emergency c-section because he was wedged in. I lost so much blood I needed a transfusion and they were worried I would not be able to have any more kids in the future (which is why my 9 year old is such a true blessing.)
He was a big boy. When I brought him home he slept well and ate even better. Leaving his side was hard when I went back to work part time. But he grew and thrived. I took joy in each of his progress. He was my everything. When he started to learn how to walk he wanted to run. Many bruises and bumps from falls and clipping the walls or tables. It was about that time I got pregnant with my daughter. My son was 10 months old and kept me moving.
Between the ages of 15 to 18 months old my son was showing signs of a decent temper. He was also showing signs of liking order and intelligence. I remember one visit to my parents house where he lined matchbox cars up front to end in a long line and someone knocked a few out of line. He threw a huge fit which concerned me. But he was a happy boy who never stopped moving until he passed out which kept mom busy.
When my daughter was born he would kiss her head and take her toys. He showed little to no signs of jealously because I had two arms and enough room on my lap for both of my babies. He always had the uncanny ability to make his baby sister laugh at just making a face. So where we are now in how they interact is perplexing to me.
We got him in preschool halfway through the 3 year old class which he loved. I felt he was doing great and thriving. Learning to read quickly and all things related to learning.
Through the years my then husband and I had more than our fair share of fights, disagreements, insults and tear down behavior. I kept pushing ahead because my children were my focus, my life. For them I would weather anything.
The next post will start with my son in kindergarten when everything began to fall apart.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Introduction into my hell
I don't know where to begin with regards to my life with my son. Perhaps the best thing to start with is to explain that my son has ADHD with ODD. Reads simple enough but the road to diagnosis has been rocky and days with him are rough. It is hard to love a child so much but have a day of hell with him. So I am starting this blog to both cope and catalog his behaviors. His issues effect everyone around him. So my next post will be at the beginning of when I was pregnant with him through to today and then day by day from there.
While I feel so isolated I know I am not alone in this. Tonight was a particularly rough night and that is why I have decided I need a place to vent. This is my personal therapy couch and you can be a voyuer if you so choose.
Mom A
While I feel so isolated I know I am not alone in this. Tonight was a particularly rough night and that is why I have decided I need a place to vent. This is my personal therapy couch and you can be a voyuer if you so choose.
Mom A
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